In My Remains
by Kat Lee formerly Pirate Turner
Summary: His life was in ruins yet again. Clex Slash! Future Fic.


Title: "In My Remains"  
Author: Kat Lee  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: His life was in ruins yet again.  
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, names, codenames, places, items, fandoms, titles, and etc. are always © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Any and all original characters and everything else is © & TM the author and may not be reproduced in any way without the author's express, written permission. The author makes absolutely no profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.  
Author's Note: 244. That's the number of stories that were sitting on my hard drive collecting dust because I lack the energy and time to take care of them as I once did. My betaing pattern has always been to write, then type up if written on paper, the story, read it aloud to my beloved Jack and our children, editing as I go, and then finally format and post. Sadly, this part is simply taking too much of my time and energy, and my beloved Jack and I have too little time together in person these days to be able to keep up with my stories. So what to do? Give up writing? I actually considered it for a while, tried to make excuses to myself other than the large number of stories collecting cyber dust on my computer, as to why I lacked the energy and Muse to write new tales. And then, with the turn of the new year, I decided to stop running and face the problem. The problem is, quite frankly, that once one gets so bogged down in formatting and editing that writing is no longer a pleasure but the actual posting of those writings becomes a hassle and - egad! - work, it's time to cut something out, and that will never be the writing process. So, in short, yes, there will be mistakes in this tale. Yes, it's missing about half of the header information I usually include. But I wrote it for pleasure and am posting it in hopes of sharing that pleasure with others. Do with it as you will.

His life was in ruins yet again; Superman had made it that way once more. Every time Lex thought he had him, he managed to turn the tables on him, escape, and defeat him, but this time, he hadn't even held his notice long enough for the hero to truly defeat him. He'd thrown his bonds at him the moment one of his team mates had removed the kryptonite. By the time Lex had removed the last kryptonian chain and stood up, both Superman and his accomplice had been long gone.

Now, he knelt, all alone again, in the remains of his army, picking through debris and feeling as though the shards of metal and glass were the fragments left from the last pain that had ricocheted through his heart when Superman had turned his steel blue eyes on him and told him what a monster he was. If Lex was a monster, it was because the same boy who was behind the facade of Superman had made him into that monster. He had set out to save the world, back when they had both still been foolish, young, and in love.

Somewhere along the way, though, his bid to save the world had become one to control it, because bitter experience had taught Lex that the only way to truly protect the world from all its evil, Earthly, alien, and otherwise, was to rule it and control everything that touched it. Clark didn't agree. He never had or would, but Lex knew also that he was right. Conquering the world was the only way to save it, but Superman would kill him before Clark ever dared accept the truth.

Despite his wealth and power, it wasn't anything unusual for Lex to find himself scrambling on the floor. He had the power, riches, and intelligence to be an army of one, and had often been the sole commanding force behind armies of clones and robots, all of whom were determined to follow his will or destroy themselves, but he still lacked Superman's brawn. If he were truthful with himself, however, Lex knew that it was more than his lack of physical strength that kept allowing Superman to defeat him.

It was his heart that kept getting him in this mess. His heart was the reason why he'd first set out to save the world, and it was what continued to allow him to be defeated. It wasn't a lack of courage in his heart or a lack of strength. It was what most of history's famous scholars and even many of the greatest military leaders believed to be the ultimate driving force in all things. It was love. Even after all these years, he was still in love with Clark, and Clark was Superman, the one man who, more than any other, was determined to keep Lex from his goal of protecting the world through ruling it.

Lex didn't care what the world knew, or didn't know, how impossible some people tried to make it seem, or how many times Clark himself scoffed at the notion. He knew the truth and was reminded of it every time he looked into Superman's baby blue eyes. Those eyes were supposed to be like steel, but they never quite managed that effect on Lex. They always seemed to be the scared eyes of a frightened boy trying to so hard to be heard. They were the sweet and beautiful eyes wherein he'd first thought he'd found love, the first eyes to look at him with utter and complete trust, the eyes that had haunted him his whole life.

He saw those eyes when he dreamed at night. He saw them when he planned each mission, and when each mission blew up in his face, and yet, he'd never seen them be truly hard, never until tonight. He'd never seen them look hard until tonight, when he'd barely glanced at him before flying on. Those blue eyes had cut into him when he'd looked at him so briefly, as though he held as much importance to him as a bug that wasn't even big enough to concern him with stepping on him. Despite how insignificant he'd felt underneath those steel, blue eyes, that gaze had also been full of such fury that he was still hurting not so much from Superman's blow as from that look from Clark Kent's eyes.

He could handle Superman punching his lights out. He could forgive him for sending him hurtling through outer space. He could mend broken ribs and cracked craniums. But he knew he'd never be able to forget the way Clark had looked at him tonight.

Lex fought back tears as he picked up the scattered pieces of his army. He had started trying to save the world for Clark. He had risked life, limb, and his very soul to protect his love from the real monsters, both human and alien, who would eat his innocence alive. Even Clark's determination to stop him had never before succeeded in ceasing Lex's own determination to save the world and, by so doing, his beloved, cherished, and innocent Clark.

No matter how many times Superman had defeated him, no matter how many times he'd seen Clark cry and listen to him plead with him, Lex had always continued in his efforts to conquer the world, because he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that ruling the world was the only way to really protect Clark and his family. Anything less would leave room for some to still hunt him, but Clark would never understand. He would never accept the harsh reality that Lex had known since he'd been a boy, and he would never love him as Lex did him. Lex cried silently in the wake of Superman's plight to save the world and lose himself in the process.

But as Lex picked up the pieces of his own heart and army, crawling along on the floor for he didn't dare yet stand both for concern that one of his legs had been broken and for fear of being seen, he was watched by another whose heart would never mend, just like his would stay forever broken. Clark floated in the night sky as it was lit with explosions, his red cape fluttering in the hot air behind him. Tears streamed down his face.

_Superman,_ he heard a team mate's voice as though from far off, _we need you._ Superman dried Clark's tears and hardened his eyes again. Lex would never learn. He could pick up the pieces, but he'd never be able to pick up the pieces of their hearts and souls. He refused to cry any more as he turned and flew back to the war.

**The End**


End file.
